Maybe in an Alternate Dimension
by labellily
Summary: Sailor Moon plus alternate beginnings equals about a million plot bunnies.


**MAYBE IN AN ALTERNATE DIMENSION**

**Chapter One: In Which there is Drug Usage**

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"So what you're telling me," Ami began with a snicker, "is that she just _came up to you_—? 

Usagi snorted unattractively. "For serious," she confirmed and then wriggled her fingers at her friend. "Oooo," she groaned, pantomiming a ghost, "is it truth, or am I just…"

She paused for dramatic effect. "_The victim of a massive drug overdose!"_

"Oh. Well. Isn't that strange," the other girl mused to herself, unperturbed by Usagi's antics.

Usagi pouted at Ami's lack of response, and then blew her cheeks out round and scrunched her nose at her friend. Ami privately thought that if the expression was meant as punishment, Usagi should probably work on her intimidation tactics. Laughter, she told herself, was probably _not _what the blonde was going for.

The two high-school students were reclining in lawn chairs on the roof of their high school, contemplatively sucking on juice boxes. Ami readjusted her sunglasses on her face, and glanced over at her friend, who was now picking at the nail polish on her finger.

"Usagi," Ami said suddenly, causing her friend to shriek slightly, and then look accusingly at her. "Just… because it's _really really _strange, let me get this straight. So you're saying that a _cat_--?"

"And not just any cat!" Usagi exclaimed excitedly, greedily leaping on the chance to talk about herself some more. "A black cat! With some sort of weird tattoo. I mean, _honestly_ what kind of freak tattoos a cat? Isn't that _illegal? _I mean, don't you have to have to give your _consent _to get tattooed? I'll bet that poor cat never gave her consent for that. Bastard," Usagi added sullenly.

Ami sucked on her straw again, and noted sadly that it seemed to be empty. She set it aside and wondered if Usagi was always so easily sidetracked. "Yes, I'm fairly certain that's illegal—animal rights and all that. But, Usagi, I want you to be _very honest with me_ now," she said sternly.

The blonde girl was already looking guilty. "Ami," she began uncomfortably, "I think, that as my super special friend and teacher-appointed tutor, you should really be helping me with this super special…" She paused to fish through her back pack. "Science problem! Because this business of _balancing_ the—whatever, with the numbers—"

Ami ignored her. "You're not doing _drugs_, are you?" she asked intently.

Usagi withered. "I—no! Of course not!" she blustered unconvincingly.

Ami glared at her, unmoving. A panicked look came over Usagi's face. "Really! I wouldn't! Not… much! Just—it was sort of—it was my _brother's fault!"_

"Your _brother_," Ami repeated incredulously.

"Kids are _bad_ these days," Usagi whined, chewing on her fingernail. "I found it on him and I took it away and he tried to _bite_ me (the little creep) but I told him I'd have mom test him for drugs if he didn't give it to me and that I'd break his nose in his brain if he ever did drugs again but then I was _curious_ and everyone needs to try stuff once. Right?" she asked, meekly.

Ami had just opened her mouth to say something when the heavy metal door to the roof flew open with a bang. Exploding with excitement, Naru burst out of the stairwell and rocketed across the gravelly roof to where the two girls were staring at her from their chairs.

She skidded to a stop and planted her hands on her hips, giving them the evil eye.

Ami and Usagi both had the good sense to look guilty.

"Do you know how many people have been going crazy looking for you two?" Naru finally demanded shrilly.

Ami was apparently crippled by shame, so Usagi hazarded a guess.

"About… one? Maybe… two? So… you, and…. Er."

Naru looked flummoxed for a second, and then regained her ground almost immediately. "Well _Mamoru_ was worried about you too, you know!"

Usagi turned her nose up dismissively. "He's a _fag_ and wants me dead because I'm prettier than him. He was _not_ worried. _Ow!_ What was that for, huh?" Usagi demanded heatedly, rubbing the possibly bruised spot on her arm.

"For being a _creep_," Ami said snootily, returning her hand to her lap. "Naru," she asked plaintively, "why are we _friends _with her?"

"I forget sometimes. Whatever. So what was up with you this morning, Usagi? All that yelling about a talking cat?"

"It came to me last night and tried to convince me that I needed to save you, which was _obviously_ a manifestation of my subconscious desire to compensate for how I've been ignoring you recently—"

"You haven't been ignoring me, you brat!"

"—and the whole superhero thing clearly stems from my over-inflated ego and my absolute confidence that the entire world _revolves_ around me—"

"—sounds about right, you self-centered little—"

"So," Usagi continued as if Naru hadn't spoken at all, "really it was just a dream. Yes, I'm a genius dream analyst. Hold your applause, though; I have a headache."

"Yeah, coming down off of those drugs must be a real bitch," Ami said tartly.

Naru's head snapped around so fast that it cracked. "What? Usagi! _Drugs?_ I thought you were better than that!"

Usagi shrank back in her chair, and then lashed a foot out at Ami, catching her in the shin. "Thanks a _lot_ Ami! Some friend _you _are!" she snapped, ignoring Ami's indignant shriek.

"Some friend _I_ am? Some friend _you_ are! You just savaged my leg with your _foot_ you heinous bitch!"

"Girls, girls, calm down," Naru interjected with a worried look on her face.

"Whatever!" Usagi shouted, snatching her backpack from the ground. "If you guys are just going to be like this then I'm—" she paused to consider, before suddenly realizing that she had lost the track of her blustery rage.

"Whatever!" she shouted again, finally, before stalking off toward the metal door.

Ami and Naru stared after her as she marched away from them. Naru looked down at Ami, who was now half-falling out of her chair.

"I'm incredibly sorry that you volunteered to tutor her," Naru offered consolingly.

Ami glared at her. "_You_ suggested it. If I hadn't been in the office with you two that day—"

"Yes, my bad, whatever," Naru said waving her hand dismissively.

"Are you guys _coming?_" Usagi shrieked from the doorway, stamping her foot impatiently. Naru made a rude gesture at her, causing Usagi to shriek again, scandalized. "Oooh—Naru, I'm disowning you for Marmou-kun! Baahhh! He's never mean to me!"

"He's always mean to you, Usagi," Ami reminded her.

Usagi paused, and then scowled, yanking open the door. "Well at least he's reliable, unlike some people I know. Or _you._" She accused, before vanishing through the door.

Her friends watched her go silently. After a few minutes, Naru wandered over to the edge of the roof and leaned over, glancing over the courtyard in search—

There was the sound of a feminine shriek, and a masculine cackle, and the sound of flesh connecting with flesh. Angrily.

Naru started laughing, and then turned around to relate to Ami what had happened, only to gasp in shock at the sight of Ami leisurely lighting up a joint.

"A-Ami!" Naru stuttered.

Ami gave her a prim look. "I'm _experimenting _to ascertain the regularity of bizarre hallucinations while under the influence."

Naru stared at her disbelievingly, until Ami finally let a grin quirk her lips. "It's Usagi's brother's fault, anyway," she deadpanned nonchalantly.

Naru couldn't help but laugh as she went to sit down in Usagi's recently vacated lawn chair. "What am I going to do with the two of you?" she asked, shaking her head.

"Love us to the end?" Ami offered.

"I guess that works," Naru agreed with a shrug.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, until the sound of escalating violence from the courtyard broke the both of them from their reverie. Ami smiled placidly at Naru. "I guess we should probably go down there and break Usagi and Mamoru up?"

Naru shook her head, standing and brushing her skirt off. "I don't think he'll ever really forgive her for stealing Motoki from him. Not that that wasn't a totally weird situation anyway."

Ami shrugged her backpack on, and firmly ground the joint beneath her foot. "I think coming to this high school was probably a real bad call on my parent's part."

"At least you'll be sure to graduate at the top of the class," Naru offered, and then cringed at the cold look Ami gave her. "Sheesh, didn't mean to offend you. You'd graduate with top honors right now college, if you really wanted to."

Ami beamed with gratitude, and then merrily linked arms with Naru as they headed off toward the courtyard. Halfway down the stairs they were met up with by Usagi, who had a decidedly harassed look to her.

"You guys," she panted. "I think I'm going crazy. I saw that stupid cat again, but when I pointed it out to Mamoru he went nuts and last I saw of him he was climbing onto his motorcycle, looking _really_ pissed off! I think he's gone mad!" she sighed dramatically, draping her hand across her forehead.

"You don't think he means to hurt the cat, do you?" Ami asked concernedly.

"I don't even think the cat exists! This is a case of—" Usagi paused blankly.

"Mass-hallucination?" Ami suggested gently.

Usagi came alive again almost immediately, flinging her arms around Ami happily. "Yes that's it! Wait—you smell like pot! You dirty, stinking, hypocritical little whale!"

"Whale?" Naru mouthed to herself, confusedly.

Ami, wasting no time, slid around Naru to step on Usagi's foot, daintily, like the lady she was. "You're imagining things again," she said serenely, before continuing on down the stairs, leaving Naru to deal with the fuming blonde.

As soon as she reached the bottom stair, Mamoru burst into the entry hall of the school, looking for all the world like a hunted criminal. His crazed eyes snagged on Ami, and she had just enough time to sigh to herself before he was on her, clinging to her arm like his life depended on her steady footing.

Which was unfortunate, since she wasn't feeling to steady on her feet currently—

And just then he yanked a bit too hard, and they both crashed to the ground. Finally beginning to feel the effects of her recent partaking, she couldn't help but giggle. Loudly. Mamoru stared at her like she had grown another head, and she glared back at him in affront.

"Can I help you two with something? Like finding a room?" Usagi asked sweetly, before cracking up with uncontrollable laughter. Apparently she thought she was extremely hilarious.

"You know Mamoru," Naru said disapprovingly as she hopped down the last few stairs, "as an upperclassman you're supposed to be setting a good example for us younger kids."

He shrugged, and then instantly looked guilty. "About that…" he began, trailing off.

The three girls were instantly on alert. "What did you do?" Naru asked cautiously.

Mamoru swallowed nervously. "That imaginary cat of yours, Usagi? You know the one?"

She glared at him, silently demanding to know if he thought there were multiple imaginary cats running around. He stared at her, and then finally grinned, returning to the Mamoru that they all knew: the one that delighted in his own deviances.

"Not so imaginary after all," he announced.

Usagi was instantly suspicious, as it was her own drug induced hallucination they were talking about. "How do you know?" she demanded guardedly.

His grin was blinding. "I hit it with my motorcycle."

The girls' combined shrieks of horror drowned out the irritated groaning of the timeline as it shifted heavily on its course. The prescribed future belonging to a pristine and sterile Neo-Tokyo faded away quietly, to be replaced with a future belonging to a woman whose only thought upon hearing "Queen" would be to turn the music up.

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**THE END.**


End file.
